this is because your hand on the inside of my thigh doesn't make me smile.
because when you look at me with those eyes filled with consciousness my heart doesn't skip a beat.
when you pull me in closer my mind doesn't go numb or blank or even fill with that thick fluid they call love.
This is because my insides are filled with spiderwebs and cherry orange almond.
Because when I close my eyes I see oceans and mountains and rocks left untouched
When I listen to the silence it isn't filled with your laugh
but really
I like you, and I want to love you and for the first time in my life I think there is a real chance of that. Of clear love, the kind that is okay to wear in your hair. The kind that touches the edges of every soul it passes through.
at 2:37am it isn't your name that is on my mind, but it is your name that is lighting up my screen,
When my hand is in your lap and you run your fingers over that thick scar your voice is light as you ask what my clumsy limbs led me into this time.
and when I don't respond you don't think twice, and when I say we can talk about it later you figure it's just a long boring story.
this is because self mutilation never crosses your mind. I don't think it even exists.
because when you look at a painting you notice the organization of the canvas. the deep reds and bright whites don't speak a whisper to your soul.
when your eyes focus in on my profile as I stare ahead, fully aware of every movement, you aren't fascinated by my thoughts screaming through my eyes, but you like the way my nose curves.
He made my heart race and the tips of his fingers tracing craters in my spine was enough to leave me spinning for weeks.
His voice still leaks through those plastic blinds as he talks for hours about the uncommon crisis.
and his eyes.
they're still gold.
You're here, however. You are everything on my list and you buy me bright colors and your stability speaks louder than air when I walk in the room.
and you laugh and you love and you share it all, but I still miss those dark nights and the salt on my cheeks because he wasn't there. Not the same way you are.
But if I look into your eyes enough then maybe that fire will burn and maybe the molasses will fill my mind and I hope someday I can wear that love in my hair and in my heart.
And I hope at 2:37am your name will be bigger than the states inside my brain
because that's what its supposed to be.
But i don't want this love to be clear.
because when you look at me with those eyes filled with consciousness my heart doesn't skip a beat.
when you pull me in closer my mind doesn't go numb or blank or even fill with that thick fluid they call love.
This is because my insides are filled with spiderwebs and cherry orange almond.
Because when I close my eyes I see oceans and mountains and rocks left untouched
When I listen to the silence it isn't filled with your laugh
but really
I like you, and I want to love you and for the first time in my life I think there is a real chance of that. Of clear love, the kind that is okay to wear in your hair. The kind that touches the edges of every soul it passes through.
at 2:37am it isn't your name that is on my mind, but it is your name that is lighting up my screen,
When my hand is in your lap and you run your fingers over that thick scar your voice is light as you ask what my clumsy limbs led me into this time.
and when I don't respond you don't think twice, and when I say we can talk about it later you figure it's just a long boring story.
this is because self mutilation never crosses your mind. I don't think it even exists.
because when you look at a painting you notice the organization of the canvas. the deep reds and bright whites don't speak a whisper to your soul.
when your eyes focus in on my profile as I stare ahead, fully aware of every movement, you aren't fascinated by my thoughts screaming through my eyes, but you like the way my nose curves.
He made my heart race and the tips of his fingers tracing craters in my spine was enough to leave me spinning for weeks.
His voice still leaks through those plastic blinds as he talks for hours about the uncommon crisis.
and his eyes.
they're still gold.
You're here, however. You are everything on my list and you buy me bright colors and your stability speaks louder than air when I walk in the room.
and you laugh and you love and you share it all, but I still miss those dark nights and the salt on my cheeks because he wasn't there. Not the same way you are.
But if I look into your eyes enough then maybe that fire will burn and maybe the molasses will fill my mind and I hope someday I can wear that love in my hair and in my heart.
And I hope at 2:37am your name will be bigger than the states inside my brain
because that's what its supposed to be.
But i don't want this love to be clear.
